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Common Sexual Fantasies

Oct 18, 2017 | All, Media, Sex + Relationships, Womens Health |

Thank you PopSugar for featuring me in this article about common sexual fantasies. I’ve spoken before on the normalizing, function and role of sexual fantasies, so to be interviewed about it was fun. I should note, that in this article I am referring to the use and role of sexual fantasies in a healthy way. When speaking about the role of fantasy in addiction and or for a person in recovery, the story and work looks very different.

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This blog is a bit of everything. We cover all things about sex, sexual recovery, partner support, relationships, and intimacy.

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    • I have clients who come in and wonder why aren’t they crying about a situation while others come in celebrating that they finally didn’t cry about a situation. To me crying or not crying, really isn’t an indication of much. I often ask for more about what the tears mean or lack there or means. We judge so hard about crying and what it’s supposed to say about the emotional experience. People will cry and say “I’m sorry” for crying, or not cry and wonder if they’re really feeling the pain. Crying is just another form or expression and can mean so much.Via: @dorothykavita_
    • All of these journals sit next to my bed and have been filled over the last few years. There are scribbles of deep thoughts, processing stuff, lists of sh*t I need to get done (to allow my brain to rest), intentions, manifestations, notes of fears, poems of pains, sittings of confusions, celebrations of life, and reflections of successes. I actually rarely look back at my journals, but tonight as I jumped into bed they caught my eye. What is beautiful to me about this, and without placing it like this, these journals are flanked by two journals that were given to me by two different amazing women in my life and at different points in my life. It felt like a reminder of the beautiful containers and supports in life through all the stuff we face.#sisterhood #journaling #creativejournaling #reflections #numiwellness #health #selfcare #love #light #gettingfree2019
    • It’s okay to not be okay.#sanursunrise #thisisbali #moon #sunrise #grounding #support #thankful #mytribe #practicewhatyoupreach
    • All the funny faces of my recent insta story about vaginal discharge! Just like discharge changes and ranges, apparently so do my facial expressions when I talk about! 🙊
    • Needing help doesn’t mean you’re not strong. ✏️ vía @french__toasted
    • A sex toy concierge, this is what I want to be when I grow up and/or retire! It’s actually like my secret dream job. Hahaha. I actually made this job up for myself and it was born out of a love of pairing women with the best sex toy to fit them and their needs/wants. There is still such misconceptions about women using sex toys and ideas about what a sex toy is, when in fact that are some beautiful and amazing toys out there. I have my short questions that I ask every woman and from there I seek to match them with the best fit toy. The joys of bringing joy!! Seriously so so much fun for me...if you see me personally and ever hear me talking about my “dream job” (when actually the reality is that I really am already doing my dream job), it’s to just be a sex toy matchmaker for life! 🌶
    • When I was 14 I went to boarding school in a different country than where my parents lived. I then went to uni and graduate schools even further away from there. Today though I am with my parents on my way to a conference that I’ll be speaking at, and my parents asked if I could show them my presentation. By that they mean, can I give them my full 90minute talk, 😂 and not just show them my slides. At first I wanted to roll my eyes, and then I recall that while I was at school they’d ask about projects I was doing or at university they would sometimes ask about the books I was reading, and then they too would look into that topic or read that book. I used to be like “what the heck are guys doing” and I didn’t really care to talk much about these things with them outside of class because what teenager or uni student really wants to. Now though I have this knowing and appreciation that since I was 14 we have lived with oceans between us. We have missed the day to day life together as I grew up and we didn’t have regular family get togethers as I went off to Uni. Yet this was always their way to stay connected and have shared interest in what I was learning and doing.So when they asked, I gladly shared...because that’s just what we’re doing. I’m sharing with them about my work, what I do, and what I am actually really proud of. They sat on the couch at attention as I took them through how to talk to children about sex addiction 😂 and at times I felt like a 14 year old kid practicing her school talk in front of her parents, but I realized they’ve actually never seen me give a presentation and so whether I’m a grown woman or 14 it feels pretty good to show a little something your proud of to your parents.Ps. I journaled about this before my presentation and the photo is from the my presentation at #IITAP2019 a few weeks ago.
    • I saw a women’s empowerment coach post something the other day telling women to throw out their granny panties and only wear sexy lingerie as a way to feel sexy and embodied. Not hating on other people’s approaches, and understanding that is what makes *her* feel sexy, I struggled with this post. I sometimes feel hella sexy in my granny panties, and that is because I feel comfortable, they feel soft, and I feel at ease. So although we can receive tons of messages about how sexy looks or what will “make” us feel sexy...why don’t we just ask ourselves when do we already feel the sexiest, how do we move ourselves in and out of spaces of sexiness, and what do I do that makes *me* feel sexy. Sexy doesn’t need to look or feel the same for all of us. Cause sometimes it’s granny panties and sometimes it’s high heels (or how about the combo, hahaha). 🖼 via @flowerhandwellness
    • I watched my mom help my grandma put her make-up on in the morning. This is their new morning routine and I watched in awe as I literally saw the roles, the responsibilities, and how they show each other love literally changing with the life cycle changes. My mom helping my grandma but trying to not do it for her, my grandma having to ask my mom to pass her things or help hold her arm up, my mom doing her own makeup at the same time, and tears just streamed down my face as I watched this (they’re rolling down my face as I write this). It’s not sadness though, yes there is some grief in the loss of my grandma’s independence yet I truly saw this as such a beautiful moment of love. There we stood in the mirror as three generations. I know their mother/daughter relationship isn’t and hasn’t been the easiest for them, so seeing them do this together felt so tender and raw. At the end my mom looked at my grandma and softly says, “Mom you look beautiful” and gives her a kiss on the forehead. 😭💕😭. Ps. Don’t any of you tell them I posted a photo of them with their make-up half done. Grams may struggle with mobility now but she can still give a solid verbal smack down 😂😂

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